even my farts smell like vagina
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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