I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Congratulations! We have a period
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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