...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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