please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
