If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You can't just leave with hair like that
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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