you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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