I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Just high enough for therapy.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
