He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Dick very happy bro
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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