So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
