So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
