I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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