oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
