I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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