he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
