i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
