Banned from zoo.
Again?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
