i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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