Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
