So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
