The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
