"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
