I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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