the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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