how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
splinters make it hard to masturbate
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
