Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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