There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
