.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
