Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
