Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
We talked him into tasing himself.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
