tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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