i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
