Dual....:-)
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
