like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
