Small penises have feelings too.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
