just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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