I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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