I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
