Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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