He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Randomize
