No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
