yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
