don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
zippers are such a cool invention
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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