I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Everything about him screamed your future.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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