once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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