Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
