On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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