Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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