Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
