No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
it's like heaven, but drunker
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
