i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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